An Inner Considering Paradox – A Made-Up Story (Or is It?)

An Inner Considering Paradox – A Made-Up Story (Or is It?)

Today is the first day of my new job, and I worry about whether I can do this type of work. They liked me in the interview. I must have done something right. I hope I did not mislead them, however. I might not be the right guy for this job if they really knew me. As I walk into my new office suite, I encounter the receptionist and introduce myself. Can she see through my façade? She must think I'm a faker because I don't have the pedigree of others doing this work. She points me to my new office, and I thank her politely, maybe sheepishly. She dresses professionally, much more polished than me. I wonder whether she knows I am an impostor just barely out of school. She sees through all the fakers, but especially someone like me.

I unpack my briefcase and settle into my desk and look at my surroundings, far too spacious and fancy for a mere entry-level guy like me. After a few minutes, a coworker stops by to say hello, and I introduce myself. I lower my voice and try to sound confident, but it carries doubt and uncertainty as I hear it. He is clearly sizing me up and viewing me as a competitor. He’s friendly, but he has a wry smile. He is well experienced and knows the company much better than I do. He really knows his stuff, knows a lot. He must know I’m in deep water over my head. He checks me out and, in my mind, concludes that I am not fit, based on his brevity. He knows this place like the back of his hand. Smart, slick, and aware that I am a greenhorn. I’m not sure that I can stack up against such seasoned veterans.

A little bit later, another coworker greets me by the coffee pot. She must see that I am out of place and outclassed by these many qualified peers. She looks at my shirt, and I wonder whether I spilled coffee, like I always do when I'm nervous. Maybe I perspire too much. Everyone else is so calm and collected. I am the only one sweating in this place, and it’s not that warm. But she can see how incompetent I am.

A little later, the receptionist calls me and tells me that the boss would like to see me now. I wonder whether the news and office murmurings of my sloppiness, nervousness, and incompetence have gotten to her already. This might be my shortest job ever.

The boss shakes my hand and asks me how I’m doing and welcomes me to the company. Before I can respond, she apologizes, “I’m really sorry.” (All my fears and anxieties are rising.) She continues, “I meant to tell you that we brought on board a whole team of entry-level new hires, including everyone on this level. Everyone you may have met today has just started. Your qualifications stood several notches higher than all of the others we interviewed. I was hoping that you would be the team leader for this group and work with them to raise their confidence and competence. You were the most outstanding new hire in the group, and I should have told you sooner about my expectations and your critical responsibilities. I am so glad you are here and able to provide immediate leadership.”

For a moment, I am taken aback and astounded by the flattering news. I sigh and feel relief. Three seconds later, I wonder whether the boss knows I am not capable of leading this group. She must have seen the coffee stain and . . .

I have a choice on whether I am swallowed up by inner considering or am free of my mechanics. All people inner consider. Many do so like the story above, or in other denigrating ways. Sleeping people identify with people and their imaginary idea of themselves. Being observant of sleep and focusing on Presence is the way out of inner considering.

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First known ouroboros representation on a shrine enclosing sarcophagus of Tutankhamun, Egyptian Museum, Cairo, 18th dynasty, New Kingdom of Egypt (detail)