A Taste of Conscience

A Taste of Conscience

Most norms of behavior, decision-making, and actions are learned and borrowed from family, friends, and society. For most people, these norms are harmless and provide a framework to live peacefully together in a civilized society.

However, the foundation of these norms is on shaky ground because it is often not generated from inner personal verifications but comes from invisible external pressure to behave in “acceptable” ways. Most people go through life without questioning these habits of right and wrong. It is more comfortable to comply with and not see these mechanical habits for what they are — a mechanism to keep people asleep. But what happens when we begin to see these habits conflict with our own understanding?

In my formative years, I experienced circumstances where questioning these norms was unavoidable. My behavior did not comply with what was considered acceptable behavior by others. And yet, I felt powerless to change my behavior nor did I see a reason to do so based upon my own verifications. Sometimes we might refer to these experiences as existential crises. In the Fourth Way, this struggle is associated with the awakening of conscience.

Somehow we have to shake conscience awake. ─ Rodney Collin

The awakening of conscience can simmer inside of us for a long time. Then, often times there is a strong shock in our lives that compels us to see the truth about ourselves and our place in the world around us. This experience can be painful — it is an example of real suffering — and through this revealing experience, compassion emerges. We see our habitual, mechanical behavior and become horrified with our own sleep while at the same time, we feel a sense of compassion and responsibility to help other people who may be experiencing the same.

From the point of awakening conscience, the foundation of right and wrong begins to be measured by what is useful or unuseful to awakening and externally considering those who are pursuing a more conscious existence. External consideration is born out of the awakening of conscience.

Conscience is an emotional understanding of the truth about oneself in one particular instance. ─ Rodney Collin

Here is a personal story that illustrates a moment of external consideration. I was a waitress at a restaurant and had been on a cleansing fast for five days. I had been working my shift but realized that I did not have enough energy to continue to the end of my shift.

A part of my discipline was not to tell anyone that I was fasting, to keep it an inner journey of self-observation. So, I asked to go home because I was not feeling well. Another waiter, irritated by me leaving early and skeptical of my excuse said to me, “You don’t look sick?”

It took everything I had to resist explaining to him that I had not eaten in five days and blurting out all the energy I had gained through this experiment. In that instant, I had a moment of conscience and felt compassion towards him because he had no way of understanding my circumstances and it was not his fault. I was able to know the truth of this situation and extend a compassionate response to my co-worker while holding to my aim.

The brief flash of conscience tells us in advance exactly what the effects of different courses are going to be. ─ Rodney Collin

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Still Life with Fruit and Champagne, Helen Searle, 1869