Listen with Humility

We wait with humility and patience the birth hour of a new clarity. — Rainer Maria Rilke

Have you ever noticed that it is hard to listen to someone? Did you just hear noises, or did you listen? I have often been in a conversation with somebody and then realized that I was more interested in what was going on in my head than what they had to say. I am waiting for them to stop so I can start talking. Take another observation. Have you noticed that when you recall a conversation with someone, you may remember more of what you said rather than the other person’s contributions? This is not listening with presence. It is being asleep to the conversant and being preoccupied by my own many ‘I’s.

Inattentive listening is a small but poignant example of how our ego or vanity interferes with our experience of life and of being present. When talking with someone it is sadly normal—mechanical—to listen to the talking in one’s head, rather than to listen to the words and their meaning from the person with whom one is conversing. Being present entails a large element of humility, and when you listen to someone else you must focus on the moment and what is before you. Your opinion, your position, and your expertise are secondary to the needs of the moment as a listener.

There are three treasures that I keep and cherish. The first is love, the second simplicity, the third humility. — Lao Tzu

To truly listen to someone, I must be in a state of humility, yielding the floor to the person with whom I am conversing rather than filling the space with my ego. While I cannot often work directly on developing humility, a necessary ingredient of self-work, I can check my ego and minimize my expressions of vanity. It is ridiculously hard to listen to someone and suspend the associations that occur in one’s mind about the topic the other person is speaking about. Find your variation of this sleep, and try to really listen next time you are conversing with a friend and you will find clarity and new insights.

The aim of the Work is to be present. To be present one must control one’s ego and many ‘I’s. To control one’s ego when speaking with someone, I need to actively listen to what they are saying and suspend my associations and judgments about their viewpoints. And when I stumble at this line of Work, I pick up where I left off and start listening and remembering myself afresh.

We transform failure through conscious humility, and then it becomes success. — The Teacher

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St. Matthew and the Angel, Rembrandt