The Glow that Sustains Me

The Glow that Sustains Me

There is no causal connection between people's behavior and the love you feel for them. Love for one's fellow man is like an elemental glow that sustains you. ─ Etty Hillesum

One of the hardest things to do in the Work is to truly externally consider someone else. External consideration is an essential part of the second line of Work, that is, working with people in the School, but it is a major challenge for anyone starting to work on themselves. Speaking for myself, because I often mechanically identify with (or “inner consider”) the people around me, I am unable to practice external consideration in such a lower state, without making efforts to remember myself first.

Let us look at our own shortcomings and leave other people's alone; for those who live carefully ordered lives are apt to be shocked at everything and we might well learn very important lessons from the persons who shock us. ─ Teresa of Avila

The Work on external consideration begins with self-remembering. When I work on remembering myself, the door to being externally considerate of another opens. My goal is to be aware of both the other person and me, as if I were a third party. With that starting point, I am more likely to be responsive and not just reactive to our interaction. If my buttons are pushed, however, it will be a greater challenge, one that ironically contains more possibilities for transformation. I must resist judgment and identification of all types. I must avoid the non-expression of negative emotions.

I once received an unexpected phone call and a request to pick someone up from the airport when I was winding down for the evening. A heads-up would have been nice, but here I am, facing a test. Shall I put my “I’s aside and just help, or will I ruminate and judge?

In order to produce Higher Center, one must learn the art of external consideration—a compassionate state accustomed to thinking about others. If you judge, you condemn yourself to sleep—you are destroying your own higher centers—it's a nasty habit from the lower self—judgmental ‘I’s. ─ The Teacher

I can listen with divided attention, then I give my friend what he or she wants. Now I give the person what they ask for, not what I think they need. Imagine ordering a meal at a restaurant, and the waiter returns with a different entrée, saying, “I brought this other entrée because I know this one would be better for you.” That would not fly. Similarly, if we want to consciously help another, then I need to be conscious first.

My active listening and responsiveness make all the difference. External consideration is an act of love, an act of giving of myself. This is the glow that sustains me. All my thoughts and “should’s” are neutralized in the glow of self-remembering. I drive to the National Airport and pick up my friend.

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The Finding of Moses, Veronese