Inner Secret Songs

Inner Secret Songs

What secret songs do you sing repeatedly in your mind’s recital hall? Are the lights on and is there anyone in attendance? Maurice Nicoll, a follower of G.I. Gurdjieff and P.D. Ouspensky, writes extensively about a “psychological, not physical, singing,” which “is based on internal [inner] considering.” In his “Psychological Commentaries on the Teaching of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky,” he suggests, “begin to notice the typical songs you sing.”

My personal recital sounds something like this: I chant about how my colleagues take credit for my ideas and worry about what they think of me, whine about how I am forced to solve problems when others drop the ball, take offense when others do not value me properly, bemoan about not having privileges of education that others have had, lament about being misunderstood, grumble about being underappreciated, and these endless songs about other people continue to haunt my thinking. Nicoll goes on to say that these songs “cripple you inside. They take energy … As soon as anything is difficult [you begin] singing … [You] cannot get beyond what [you are]—i.e. crippled by sad songs.”

“Only deeper self-observation will reveal inner secret songs. All self-observation is to let light in—to oneself. Nothing can change in us unless it is brought into the light of self-observation—that is, into the light of consciousness—and all self-observation is to make us more conscious of what is going on in us.”—Maurice Nicoll

Rather than identifying with what other people think of me or how they should treat me, which is the hallmark of inner considering, I can instead through the light of self-observation reveal my mechanical habits and stop the growth of these diseases. Through the mirror of others, I can see in my reflection the same crippling habits in myself and begin to turn my attention toward putting myself in another person’s circumstances—in the direction of externally considering.

Nicoll clarifies that “external considering requires a knowledge of men … It is adaptation towards people, to their understanding, to their requirements.” To my way of thinking, it is giving to others based upon their requirements and not imposing on them what I think they need. There is a trick that I have observed in this regard. I find myself twisting this idea into determining what I think another person needs as though I have some inner knowledge to bestow on them. I have verified that I cannot externally consider others without growing smaller and less important in relation to their requirements.

“As long as you externally consider another person with a view to trying to change him or her—that is, as long as you think the other person should be different—you are not externally considering, but internally considering. The basis of internal considering is thinking that others should be different.”—Maurice Nicoll

External consideration can also turn to its opposite if I harbor feelings that “my magnanimity” (which I imagined was external consideration) is not acknowledged. I have only to reflect upon how I feel when I have admitted a fault of my own in relation to someone else, and they agree with my assessment. My insincerity is exposed and rather than a pure interaction of external consideration, I walk away inner considering and feeling insulted. This insult can trigger another “inner secret song.”

If I am not remembering myself, I am not externally considering. If my initial effort and intentions were not from presence and sincerity, my efforts turns sour.

“If people really externally considered one another, war would be impossible.”—Maurice Nicoll

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Adoration of the Child (Detail), Jacob van Oostsaanen, 1512