A Case of Identification

A Case of Identification

Several times in my life I have been the subject of unfair accusations. The most striking episode that I remember: a dishonest employer who wanted to be rid of me declared that I had made off with a rather large sum of money. Because he invented the slander, he could not prove it; but word spread, and in some cases, those who didn’t know me came to believe him.

That experience, and the sense of injustice and helplessness that accompanied it, left me extremely angry and frustrated. Once, after I argued on the phone with my employer, I became ill—feverish and bedridden for a few days. I was in the right. But from the point of view of spiritual work, that didn't matter. I wasn't able to keep my identity in the Self. I allowed my indignation and fear to dominate me. I was indignant about the injustice of the situation and the dishonesty of the person; afraid of the difficult situation he put me in, of the distrust that injured my relationships with other people and gave me a bad reputation that would damage future relationships. I knew that Gurdjieff had said, “So much the worse for you if you are right.” And I also knew that one of the most important exercises in a school is the non-expression of negative emotions . But there’s a big gap between knowing a principle in theory and being able to apply it.

In different forms, similar conflicts with authority figures have recurred in my life. This means that I need them, or, in other words, that the experience has not been resolved, and therefore overcome. When such a situation occurs again today, my first and immediate effort is to try to position my sense of identity in the Self. Not to judge the other person, not to fear for myself, but to try to experience the third state. To be present, as if I were watching a beautiful sunset or a flower.

This attitude, of course, doesn’t change the intentions and actions of the other actors in the scene. If someone wants to harm me externally, he will.

But if, with a bit of luck, my shift of identity succeeds, it will clear my inner world of identification. Beyond this particular instance, everyone can observe that when an unpleasant situation occurs cyclically, it is due to an identification. It is the identification, that is, the attitude, that must be eliminated: not the details of the event.

Once the identification has been resolved, it no longer matters whether or not this type of situation recurs, as it will have ceased to be a problem. If we don’t work on identification, however, we can be sure that the problem will reappear, in one form or another, despite all our efforts to change external events.

One of the most immediate effects of not being identified is a surprising freedom of choice and action. I can decide between countless strategies; I am no longer a slave to a forced response dictated by my mechanics. I can agree with the person, make them talk, and find out their intentions. I can question them calmly, because I am not blinded by anger. I can pretend total stupidity, because I don't care how I am judged. I can notice hesitations, inconsistencies, revealing changes in the tone of voice that, when I am identified, are invisible to me. I can surprise the person with unexpected counter proposals, which change the dynamics of the situation, and this in turn will condition the other person's subsequent moves. I can put myself in the other person's shoes, understand why he says what he says, why he thinks the way he thinks. I've learned that when two people argue, whoever is less identified will prevail.

The performance of the machine, if ruled by the Self, definitely improves. But that's not the point either. The aim of presence is to be present to everything that happens. Acceptance of what happens is part of the state of presence. The mysterious and complex mechanism of a tense business conversation is no different from the mysterious and complex mechanism of a flower, or the mysterious and complex laws that govern the flow of the waves on a shoreline.

By putting my machine aside, I can see reality in action. Unless I can do that, the same situation will be given to me again and again, until the task is completed.

Sergio Antonio, "A Question of Presence"