The Others (excerpt)
- Feb 15
- 3 min read
The Others (excerpt)
[A selection from our friend Sergio Antonio’s new book, A Map to Awakening.]
Relating to others, coming out of the 'nutshell' in which one is enclosed, requires empathy. [William Shakespeare: "I could be bounded in a nutshell and count myself a king of infinite space.” The nutshell, so similar to a human skull; and the walnut, so similar to a brain, remain for me symbols of a pretended work, only theoretical, only apparent, confined to the narrow space of my own mind.] Empathy is the ability to step into the shoes of a different machine than one's own. To remember that everyone has his own reasons; that there must be a reason, even for his acting, which sounds crazy or stupid to me, and a law that compels him to act as he acts, to think as he thinks, to express himself as he expresses himself. And that I too, who act and think and speak differently, am equally subject to similar mechanical laws, different in detail but identical in their inexorable compulsion.
One question that I have been taught that I find very useful and practical is, "With what language can I approach this person so that they understand?"
This question presupposes the use of external consideration, rather than entrenchment behind rejections such as that’s how I am, or, I express myself this way: if he wants to understand, he’ll understand. It presupposes an interest, also typical of external consideration, in the other. I am no longer focused on my needs, my wants, my dignity, need for respect, love, appreciation, but, just like a scientist or like an investigator, I am curious about the reality of things.
Empathy and external consideration are crucial in ensuring that spiritual work does not turn into self-deception, but is really a tool for transformation. It will be very difficult for me to get involved with another person without being contaminated by his or her point of view, without the other person's way of being showing me aspects of reality that I had never known or even wanted to see.
I once heard from a very old and very wise student at my school, who proposed that a student who was in conflict with another (and had every reason to be), should go and apologize to the other,, even though he knew he was in the right. This proposal, while not directed at me, struck me as if lightning had split my head in two. How would that be possible? And in this way I discovered how much in my instinctively centered machine I am prone to the law of retribution, to revenge, to retaliate against those who are responsible for what I consider evil, to punish them: all unconscious and mechanical attitudes from which I can actually free myself by beginning to do such shocking absurdities as apologizing when I think I am right. How much mechanicality there is in the very idea of being right! It is another way of saying: I’m not going to change.
Relationship with others, even conflict, is a formidable arena for learning things that we would never see on our own. [Many years ago I heard on the radio a quotation from the Philokalia. The quote has stuck with me, and I often recite from memory: "If someone speaks to you sincerely and from essence, listen to him: a great river is great precisely because it refuses no raindrop, no tiny stream or puddle."] The way to mindfulness is through being able to communicate with anyone, under any circumstances and remain ourself, unidentified and yet interacting, understanding and having genuine compassion: loving our neighbor as ourself.
Sergio Antonio’s “A Map to Awakening” is available from Amazon, at this link:
Return of the Prodigal Son, Rembrandt
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