Start and Continue

Start and Continue

I want to be honest with you. Trying to be present is a peculiar pursuit. Most things that I do in life become automatic after mastering them. I have not been on a bike in a few years, but I am confident I could ride one right now. When I was young, I was able to skateboard as well, and if you put me on one today, I think I could do a few little tricks. I can write some prose and a little poetry, which comes relatively easily. Not a big lift, you might say. These are learned and semi-permanent in my machine.

Waking up is a completely different enterprise. It requires effort, and it requires sustained effort to keep it going. There is no automatic momentum. Based on my experience, there is no “I’ve got it, it's all a piece of cake from here.” That is, there is no tipping point at my level of being where I do not need to keep making efforts. (The Fourth Way describes, notwithstanding, a stage when an evolving being becomes crystallized in Higher Centers. Paraphrasing my Teacher, he describes this as a point in which all the parts of one’s being align as an unrelenting desire to maintain presence more than anything else. I am not there yet. I’m an aspirant, as Meher Baba coined his followers.)

This theoretical possibility provides a framework for my Work, a promise and hope for permanent progress. And yes, there are moments as described by Lindsey in her recent post when I need to get out of my way, and Presence fills the room. Those moments are still uncommon for me, unfortunately.

So, on one hand, I have expressed several reasons why this System is challenging and not popular for many people. It is not for the occasional or casual observer. It is not a part-time occupation. On the other hand, the results of work on myself are palpable and life-affirming. It feeds my reasons for getting out of bed every morning. It is something practiced and polished with effort and more effort.

Being more intentional with my Moving Center, for example, is an area of constant work. It is not flashy or visible to others in many cases. Rather than throwing a piece of paper into the trash can, I try to place it in the bin. Rather than closing doors with my feet or elbow, I try to use my hand to close a door. Rather than ending emails or letters to dear friends with unemotional business salutations, I try to remember myself as I type the words “With love.”

Why continue making these endless efforts? How is that satisfying? It is a personal thing. It varies for different people, but for me it is related to the adage of Johann von Goethe, who said, “Continue because you must.” When I found the Work, I knew inside that there was no going back; it was not a left-right decision. It was an up-down decision. I would rather spend the rest of my life pursuing the light of consciousness than anything else. Maybe I will make it to the end, like an achievement, or maybe the life of such a pursuit is enough.

Maybe I found what I am looking for already. I need to just keep at it. I am sure about continuing or sustaining.

So, I will start each summer day with tending to my physical and metaphorical garden. Check the lotus pond and water the 60+ year bonsai ficus tree. Each step, each precious gaze, each snip and weed plucked from the garden matters. Just continue.

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The Pond at Benten Shrine in Shiba, Kawase Hasui