Self-Remembering

Self-Remembering

In this Greek relief, a young athlete, having won a race, places a laurel wreath on his head. It would be understandable if the athlete were waving his arms, shouting in victory, and contorting his face in triumph. And yet, what we see is stillness. There seems to be a calm, though intense, feeling in him that can be summed up in words: I am here.

To remember oneself means to be aware of being here. Our attention is naturally directed where there is a stimulus. The stronger the stimulus, the more attention we dedicate to it. If I eat a very good pastry, or if a disgruntled client calls me on the phone, all my attention goes to the taste of the cream, to the client’s irritation. I forget myself. Remembering myself means that I know that I'm eating the pastry, that I'm listening to the complaints. I include myself in the scene I am experiencing. It's a simple state, comparable to the wonder of a newborn baby, totally attentive to what surrounds it.

At the same time it’s a difficult state to reach, because since childhood we have accumulated habits that prevent our uncontaminated observation of what is in front of us. Our purity as infants is clouded by fears, defenses, opinions, and attitudes unconsciously learned over time from parents, teachers, acquaintances. Most of the time our mind is far from where we are, lost in memories or projects, nostalgia, grudges—thoughts that in the language of the Fourth Way are called imagination. We have gradually unlearned to remember the present.

It’s not impossible to find yourself in the shower arguing with someone you haven't seen for years. Or to walk out of a room without having the slightest idea of what objects, what people, what furniture and paintings there were in it. Or to disappear on the way between home and work.

Yet the present is the only time we can really do anything about. I cannot change the past or the future. I cannot change circumstances. But I can change the state I have right now. I have a chance to remember myself.

Sergio Antonio, "A Question of Presence"

Image: “Relief of Self-Crowning Athlete,” c. 460 B.C. National Archaeological Museum, Athens.

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