Conscious Kindness
- Mar 13
- 3 min read
[An excerpt from our friend Sergio Antonio’s recent book, A Map to Awakening.]
As we master the art of self-observation, we learn to focus not so much on the action being performed, but on the 'place' in us that originates it, the part in us that wants to perform that action. (Why am I writing these lines now? Out of habit, vanity, a sense of duty, boredom, delusion, a desire to help? And what part in me is organizing the discourse, deciding what to say, finding reasons to do it? Above all, am I here while doing it?)
One of the paradoxes of self-observation is that it cannot be limited to being only self-observation: it requires others, who have the same purpose, to observe me in turn and tell me what they see from their point of view, which is nothing but that of a machine other than my own (Or someone in a state higher than mine.) I need to hear what they find strange, unusual, or simply mechanical and acted out in sleep. It helps me see myself from the outside in contrast to my usual experience which is only internal and subjective. Since much of what moves me is invisible to me, I need the gaze of others.
We are made up of many parts, meaning we have many wills. To acquire a real will requires becoming familiar with these characters in us that want - and often want different and conflicting things. Knowing what drives me right now is the first step toward the freedom to choose what to be driven by, when and why. When a Steward is formed, I can choose which of these personalities to 'play', like the card player who chooses from moment to moment which one to throw on the table.
Often, in order to see what we are, we must attempt feats that are unusual in the subjective sense. For example, to verify that I really don't like a food, I have to try to eat it; to know how many pounds I can lift, I have to increase the weight until I fail. It is by trying to step outside my boundaries that I am able to define them.
Every moment can be elevated or refined. I can always make it more beautiful (by how I dress, or by sprucing up the room, by buying flowers, or even by purifying my feelings). I can become more present by increasing, for example, the number of elements I am aware of now, such as noises from the street, colors, instinctive sensations like the temperature of the chair. The moment can be made more intense (by increasing the difficulty of what I do or by using a little intentional suffering, such as a coin in a shoe, or by focusing on the highest impression near me, such as the flowers I bought.
One of the exercises I find magical in this regard is to try to practice kindness. Always. Self-observation will tell me whether my motives are deviating from the original purpose—which is to sustain Presence. Am I helping this person because I am interested in his or her well-being, or because I want him or her to think well of me, or to maintain my imaginary picture as a good person?
Being kind forces continuous and active observation of the environment—to be more awake. What does the environment—or others—need right now? It also allows one to work with one's negative emotions (I detest this person; and here I have an opportunity right now to help her out).
These days I have observed in myself a certain coarseness of the emotional center that makes it difficult to understand the views of machines other than my own. As long as I feel related to them, all is well; but if I perceive them as strangers, it is very hard for me to embrace their point of view, their values, their preferences. I have a lot to learn in this regard. I have seen how I can sound edgy and disrespectful toward those I do not feel akin to. Discovering these behaviors comes as a surprise to me, as they do not correspond to the imaginary picture I have of myself; they can only be observed in a state of self-remembering.
How to improve this limitation? By trying to be kind all the time, to everyone, with special attention to respecting and helping those who seem ridiculous to me, or insincere, or a little unbalanced. If I were to limit myself to those whom I like, whom I find reasonable, my being would have no chance to change.
Sergio Antonio’s “A Map to Awakening” is available from Amazon, at this link:
Giorgione, Three Philosophers
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